HW 48 - Family Perspectives on the Care of the Dead (comment here)

The Situation:
I don't have many family members who i can get a perspective from on the care of the dead. When it came down to interviewing the only one who was around was my grandma. I wasn't sure if i should ask her about the care of the dead since my great grandmother who passed away was her mother. My grandmother helped her a lot, she was the one who helped her the most despite the way that her mother would treat her.Not that it was terrible because everyone has a rocky relationship with their parents but my grandma did go through the most.

Interview With Grandma: Her Perspective, Word For Word!


Questions:

1. How do you perceive death?
2. What is the custom? Does our family follow it?
3. What is the reasoning behind these customs in your perspective?
4. What is a strength and weakness about death?
5. Does our family pay respect to the dead in a certain way?

Answers:

1. I like to see it as something pretty yet ugly. Its pretty because death can't distinguish, in other words it doesn't discriminate. It takes the rich, the poor, and people of all races. I see it ugly because it takes you with out your consent as well as your loved ones. 
2. The catholic custom consists of 3 parts: bringing the body home to stay up with it all night, a mass, and a funeral. Yes, we do. We actually are very good at paying respect to the dead. 
3.  Reasoning behind bringing the body home: You stay up with the body all night because it's the last night with the person pushing up daisies. Reasoning behind church: Making a last mass is a custom for catholics because that is their religion and we help the person who is dead too be forgiven all of their sins. Also the family has to pray a rosary for 9 days. Reasoning behind the funeral: A funeral is given to the deceased person so that he/she can rest in peace. I think that we all go to heaven once we die. Also since god had a reincarnation i have a feeling we will all reincarnate one day.  <---- DEEP!!  
4. A weakness from death is the pain that we suffer to see our beloved die, or leaving without wanting to. A strength is that the person will now rest in peace with god. 
5. Our family pays respect to the dead. During the day of the dead we make a shrine for our loved ones. We dedicate the whole day to them and turn on a candle/pray so that all of their sins are forgiven. Also, we take them flowers to their tombstone. It can be a day full of regrets for some because you don't know what you have until you have lost it. You will always think why you didn't do this or why did i say that?

After The Interview:

WOAH! That was my first reaction. And my first thought was: "The older the wiser". I couldn't have picked a better to interview. When my grandmother was speaking i was touched and amazed by her insight on care of the dead. 


Favorite Deep Quotes:

• death can't distinguish, in other words it doesn't discriminate. It takes the rich, the poor, and people of all races. I see it ugly because it takes you with out your consent as well as your loved ones. 
• A funeral is given to the deceased person so that he/she can rest in peace. I think that we all go to heaven once we die. Also since god had a reincarnation i have a feeling we will all reincarnate one day.
• It can be a day full of regrets for some because you don't know what you have until you have lost it. You will always think why you didn't do this or why did i say that?

A Shocking Yet Understanding Reaction:
After i interviewed my grandmother i thought to myself whether i should try to interview about her mother or not. I decided to go for it because the i would at least know i tried asking. There i go: " Grandma, do you mind me asking about your mother?" Her Reaction: " No! No no no no no! Don't dare to ask me about my mother. That is a very sentimental experience and it's personal. No! I don't want to share. Is that it? Because i'm done. Go on." I was speechless i didn't know how to react so i apologized and walked out. She went from being super calm to a scary tone. Her hands were shaking and she looked very angry. I couldn't really sleep that night and i felt terrrible. :( 

HW 46 - Initial Thoughts on the Care of the Dead

My Experiences:
  Luckily up to date i haven't had a close family member pass away. The only Family member that i can remember passing away is my great grandma. Knowing she was gone hurt but not as much as i though it would. Memories shared with her are few. She was the person who taught me my first prayers and a couple of songs. Even now i still remember everything she taught me and i am very appreciative of it. I have taught some of them to my younger sisters. Later on she was living with us for about a year. I wasn't around her much being that i was occupied with school and sports but enough to at least know what she was about. On a random night one day they called us and gave us the bad news. I cried for like a couple of days but i was too young too comprehend what exactly it meant to lose someone. What i did know is that based off of my grandmothers and mothers emotions, it must be a heartache to know that someone can be here and then gone within a matter of seconds. I look back to the memories i shared with her and they make me smile. Sometimes i wish i could go back in time and done things differently to have spent more time with her.

The Way I Was Taught To Perceive Dead People:
  Growing up as i mentioned above, didn't involve much death. I can't really state that there is a specific way to view it. What i do know are a couple of customs based off of my great grandmothers death. When she passed away we had to bury her for her to rest in peace. My great grandmother always mentioned how she would be happiest being buried in her hometown. Immediately we all knew that thats where we would have to take her in order to complete her desire. Also to pay respect i learned that i had to wear black and that i shouldn't listen to music or things i would normally do. I however don't agree.

My Philosophy:
   I think that death is a part of life. We shouldn't have to treat it differently. As long as we savor the memories and cherish them we shouldn't have to do certain things to explain our pain to others. I feel like doing so is like feeling pity for the person who died and that is disrespectful. One should not feel pity because the person who passed away gave all they had and shared beautiful memories that will last a lifetime. We should all do what we normally do and dress how we normally dress because i am sure that the dead person would like us to be happy and not sad. So why be sad? Pay respect for a day and once they are resting in peace continue with your life as i know they would like you to. Think about how you want people to react to your death. I am not saying you can't be affected or hurt by it because they play a role in your life. All i'm saying is that you shouldn't spend your life stuck on that moment because this experience will make you stronger. Perhaps it will make you a better person.

hw 45 response to comments: THANK YOU!

Response to Stephanie:
I agree hospital births are horrible and not ideally what we expected. Thank you for commenting on my blog, i am glad you found it interesting yet comical. Pissed off? Do you really think that their anger is a result of things like my story? Once the doctor got to my mother he basically just received my sister and they then cut the umbilical cord.

Response to Eloise:
I am glad we can agree on our birth decision. I like your comment that said," I also really valued that you wrote a narrative I think it changes from an essay and shows the true emotional side of birth, you make that clear expecially with the discription of your mothers hospital stay." A narrative was my idea. But i tried making it a bit comical which stephanie picked up on. I really love how you noticed my emotional aspect in the story because there was emotion to it. I wrote exactly as i remembered it and without thought of switching it up. When you said that you though of it as proof of another women empowering herself i found that very interesting. Once again thank you. 


Response to Natalie:
Thank you for commenting on my blog. I am content knowing you enjoyed my blog even though i could have used more analysis. I agree with you when you said that, "The fact that the nurse would even attempt to push the baby back into the mother is horrifying." It is a horrifying idea. i can't believe she did that either. We could have filed a complain for that. It is more convenient because that shows that the commodities are provided for them and the mother or child.  


Response to Johnny:
Thank you for reading my blog, i could have used more connections. Perhaps it would have made my argument stronger.

Response to Jessica:
My second sisters deliver definitely was a struggle! The pressure was intense especially because she was premature and we didn't know what the outcome would look like. She is healthy now although super skinny. I think that has to do with the fact that she was premature. Covering an aspect that isn't really discussd to me seemed more interesting so i decided to share this story that not many know. Statistics would be great! I will definitely look into it.

Response to Amanda:
Not only was it an insight but also something unique some do not always hear. Unique was my point. Family can be greatly affected, i remember having my grandma and aunt in the waiting room very worried. I explore the memories as i write and i see it helped create an image which is great because i can give you a clear image of what i experienced. Finally i do agree with you. Sharing my moms story/pov would have made it stronger. That would have given a more clear understanding of why she still stands with her decision. I have to say i really disagree. i don't know why she insists in a hospital birth. Maybe i can explore and share some more. Thank you for reading my blog!

Hw 44 comments

For Bryanna (classmate):


I thought that your post was pretty interesting. Your method was smart because you basically made a survey and asked 5 family members to answer some questions about their birth preference. I agree a lot of women do chose doctors more because they don't have much knowledge. we should create an information blog, and add all of our experiences/research. 

What i like about your project is that you posted your survey and each persons answers in a way that we could comprehend it easily.

This project mattered to me because i want a midwife and because my exhibition paper will be on midwife's and doctors. Your project gave me the idea of making a survey, that could be good for my paper too besides increasing the amount of knowledge i have on birth. 

Maybe something you could improve on is your elevator speech, great posture though!
=] great job i enjoyed it!


For Devin (classmate):

Your project was very informational. The umbilical cord isn't a topic that really comes up during birth discussions. Through your project now we know more information that we can share with a woman who will be giving birth in a hospital. You mentioned the seven huge benefits to delaying the cutting of the umbilical cord and that one risk. 

I liked the way you posted your paper because it was very easy to follow. It was like an informational outline. 

Your project mattered to me not only because i found it intriguing but also because i have more knowledge over what's good for the child. I never knew this nor did i think it was important and now i see it is. 

Great job i really liked your post and elevator speech. 

For Jessica (Thinking/Writing peer)


Let me start by saying that choosing abortion as your topic was a good idea. Originally my project was going to be about adoption. I also agree with rigel because this is another side of birth we don't really look at. We spent most of our classes talking about hospital births and midwives. I like that you provided statistics to support you argument. My mom once had an abortion so i can relate to the feeling. I remember i was 12 and she didn't want to but my dad convinced her to. I think abortion isn't always the best alternative. I personally feel like if i made the mistake i won't learn from it unless i take responsibility from it.
your project mattered to me because abortion is another aspect of birth.(oxymoron)
Over all i think that it was a great post but you could probably structure it better and narrow it down to make it stronger.


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Comment from Stephanie:

Steph's personal political view said...

Hospital births are horrible and not what your ideal birth is going to be.

After reading your project I valued how personal you got. It made the story interesting and you were very engaging and comical. Just like you I do not plan on having a hospital birth because the nurses and doctors seem too busy and pissed off (based off of what I've researched and learned.) Your story good have been stronger if you spoke deeper about how the nurses treated your mother and what happened once the doctor got to the your mother. I enjoyed your project great job.

Comment from Eloise:

Eloise .DF said...

Ariel, you shared you and your families intimate story about the birth of your premature sister and the hardships that came with her birth. you then reflected based on what you have learned summarizing that you would not like to have a baby in a hospital but in a birthing center. I completley agree girl !

What I valued about your post was how you were able to learn from your mothers decisions and hopefully imrpove the outcome for yourself. I also really valued that you wrote a narrative I think it changes from an essay and shows the true emotional side of birth, you make that clear expecially with the discription of your mothers hospital stay.

Your project matters to me because I think it is proof of another women empowering herself, it also shows a deep love between you and your family which i think is very important.

I really enjoyed your narritive, I would just suggest proof reading it before posting !

Great job !

Comment from Natalie:

NatalieK said...

Your piece revolved around the birth of your sister and your experience watching your mother receive less than adequate care. You then connected this to your own future and how you might have gone about the situation.

I valued how personal you were able to get with this post. It was nice to hear a first hand account of what went on, from someone other than the mother's perspective.

I think this is significant because it really illustrates how a hospital works with the convenience of the doctor in mind. The fact that the nurse would even attempt to push the baby back into the mother is horrifying.

Next time I might put even a little more of your own analysis, but otherwise I really enjoyed it.

Comment from Johnny:

Johnny P said...

I can't believe your mother I had to go through all of that. I 100% agree with you when you say, Doctors don't really care about there patients and do what is most convenient for them.
What i valued about this post was how you gained insight from both your mothers past birth experiences as well as the movie to come to a conclusion of how you want to have a birth when the time comes.
The only thing i would do is, i would add more try to connect this experience to other peoples experiences taht you looked up. But Besides that this is really good paper and i enjoyed reading this.

Comment from Jessica:

jessica c said...

i read your paper, and i thought that it was very good. it talked about how one of your little sisters were born, and the struggles that your mother went through to deliver her. it must have been really hard for her and your dad to be under that kind of pressure. but now she is a healthy girl and that is a blessing. i liked how you connected what we learned in class to a personal experience as well as talk about a side of birth we didnt really cover much on. we didnt really talk much about premature births and the complications it brings. maybe for next time, you could probably add some statistics about premature births around the U.S. and how common or uncommon they are.

Comment from Amanda:

amandap said...

In a subtle way you seem to focus on the differences between how midwives care for their patients and how doctors/hospitals care for their patients. The narrative you wrote about your mother was moving, it showed how birth and how birth is treated affects not only the mother and child but also the family.

i really valued that you wrote your mothers from an active point of view. for instance you added dialogue that i can imagine you would have used while you were at the hospital with your family.

i think this post would have been even more powerful if you had shared your mothers story and then revealed that despite her horrible experience she still wanted to have her next child in a hospital.

i enjoyed reading your post very much- amanda

Experential, I Say ! ! !

The Story Of My Moms Premature Birth Experience At The Hospital.
In this unit:  
  When one finds themselves thinking about birth the immediate image that kicks in is a happy couple, a pregnant woman, a hospital, pain, screaming, and final satisfaction. As alot of women say," it was all worth it at the end". In this unit we spoke alot about birth, as well as we had professionals come in, read a book, and watched a film. In my point of view this was the most intriguing unit especially because my mom is pregnant at this moment. I spoke to my mom about her options during birth and shared my knowledge. After conversing with her she told me she wanted to give birth at the hospital. I tried talking her out of it and talking her  into getting a midwife but as much as i tried i couldn't convince her. I told her that the doctors at the hospital don't really care about what's best for her and the child but about what is more convinient for them. She answered that i was wrong because after my sisters birth and mine she was satisfied. According to her she felt comfortable and there was no intervention.

Lies, In My Presence!
My mom says she wants to give birth to my baby brother in the hospital but but but but i don't get it! When i was 9 i was around to witness when my mom gave birth to my second sister. It all started on a very quiet monday morning on June 3 my mom was only 6 months . She started getting contractions and we thought it was normal until they started to get worse. My dad got scared so he took her to the hospital. when we got there they told us that the baby was ready to come out. He told us that the baby was going to be premature, but since it would be premature we didn't know how the situation would turn out. In order to make it a bit safer the doctor told us that my mom had to stay for a week until saturday or possibly sunday so she could complete her 7 months there. She was very dissapointed but agreed to for the well being of my sister. I made sure that i vissited her at the hospital everyday. She looked sad, tired, pale and told me that the food was disgusting and that the nurse wouldnt come around alot to check on her. The nurse wasn't very friendly, on the contrary she had a really bad attitude. Around friday night the contractions started getting worse and they continued all day staturday. Finally me and my dad knew the baby was coming around 10pm. We went to look for the doctor because my mom felt her coming out. Now this is where it get interseting!!!!!! It turns out the doctor wasn't even there yet! We started going crazy because the baby was more than ready to pop out. When the nurse came to check on my mom after her poor job, she asked my mom to spread her legs to see how it was. My baby sisters head was starting to pop out. At  this point my mom could't hold her in no more and started pushing. The nurse got so mad! She said," the doctor isn't here yet so you can't have your baby yet". She had the nerve to go down there and try pushing my baby sisters head back in!!!!!!!!! I know my mom was in so much pain because my dad and i were there. Then she wouldn't stop trying to push her back in so my dad jumped in and told her to stop. She tried causing a scene and started getting feisty so my dad put her in her place. My moms contractions got worse so she didnt care and started pushing. She basically had the baby on her own. The doctor got there late and was there to receive the baby but it was almost completely out. She was born on sunday at 12 am on june 8.When my sister came out she was only 3lbs. Her body wasn't fully developed and she couldnt really breathe properly. The doctor put her in the incubador for a month and we got her on July 4th. When we picked her up she was so cute and tiny. The first couple of months she used to cry soooo much because she would get stomach pains due to the milk. Afterwards she was fine and we all loved carrying her so much that we wouldn't like to share. I asked my mom on what it was like to be away from my sister for a month. My mom  had to come visit her to feed her but it didn't feel right to her. She mentioned that she felt distant as if there weren't really a connection there. Normally a mother gets to have her child but being a month in distance made her very upset.  

My Stance For Future Birth:
Witnessing my moms terrible experience was not nice at all. Now that i have more knowledge on birth and the options i have i know for a fact i don't want to give birth in a hospital. The hospital is not the place for me. Doctors do what is most convinient for them and not for the mother nor baby.  If the birth doesn't happen when they want it to happen then they force it with petocin and epidurals, " and if your uncomfortable we'll give you more!" (movie) A women expects a certain birth and receives another. Besides patocin and epidurals harm the baby. When a woman lays down the doctor is in power because its a convinient position for him, a better position is a squat. Wathcing "The Business of Being Born" was great because now i know midwives are a great to give birth too. The day i give birth it will be at a birth center but with the help of a midwive and her "tool", a doula.
 NO HOSPITALS FOR ME!!!!